Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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