and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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