thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
