I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
