her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
