he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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