I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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