Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
