i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
