when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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