I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
