Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
