You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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