'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
