you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
