Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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