Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
