did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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