So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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