Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
