I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Shame - the story of my life.
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