My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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