Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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