I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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