she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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