i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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