oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
