I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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