hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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