I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
