party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
