? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
