If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
