I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
