Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
