I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
