i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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