Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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