i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
