Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize