just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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