The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My friends, they love my intelligence
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
