Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
