ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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