do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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