Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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