either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
