just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
