So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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