Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
