Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
