adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize