i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
