Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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