I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
