He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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