Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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