nut hugger
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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