I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
