great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
