My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Less talking, more tequila
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
