He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
