never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
