he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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