you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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