i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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