I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
