Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
