HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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