Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
well you can't waste a boner
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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