I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
