She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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