and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
