Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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