dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
