There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
