wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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