wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
