My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
