he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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