fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
