Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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