she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
