we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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