I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
