Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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