it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
